Still
“As a child I felt myself to be alone, and I am still, because I know things and must hint at things which others apparently know nothing of, and for the most part do not want to know.”
- Carl Jung
When I was a kid, I found the inconsistency of meals very stressful. What I mean is, generally speaking, most people eat something different for every meal of the day, and then also from day to day (you don’t eat for dinner what you had for lunch, and you don’t eat for dinner on Tuesday what you had for dinner on Monday). This is normal. Or I guess you’re supposed to say “typical” now instead of normal. But this variation that broke up the day, throughout the day and from day to day, caused me great stress. I remember one summer as a child, I ate at least 20 meatball subs just to avoid the agony of having to navigate options all while not really understanding how options and decision making actually worked. There was always a deep rooted fear and discomfort of doing those things incorrectly.
It’s funny to think about, but there’s a reason why these tropes exist about certain people. It often gets dismissed as being picky or sensitive or timid or unadventurous. But usually (not always), it’s far more complicated than that and has nothing to do with someone’s personality or habits. As an adult now , I can still eat the same thing every day for weeks and not really notice that I’m doing it. It’s not because I’m lazy, I’m not afraid of new things… there are a million reasons why someone might be like this, I’m starting to learn what mine are and so much of it is equally fascinating as it is obvious.
I haven’t had a meatball sub in years, though.